Surviving the Holidays

Surviving the holidays (12/16/20):

This is a tough time of year, one that causes a lot of sadness and anxiety.  Paradoxically, it's because the holidays are supposed to be so much fun.  How can this be? We compare our experience to the ideal holidays portrayed on movies and TV.

Go on a thought experiment with me.  What are the holidays supposed to represent?  My mother used to say, "Any day that causes human beings to wish each other a day of peace and give goodwill is a good day for me."  I think we can all agree to that.  But it's also a time set up in the media as the time for perfect families, peak experiences and happiness for all.  That doesn't always neatly square with the families we actually have or the experiences that we have.  This year especially, we're going to be separated from our families and friends.  No live parties.  Gifts yes, but does that really compare to being with the people we care about?

It seems like every tradition has a holiday in the fall and winter.  Early in the cycle was the Indian Holiday of Diwali, Hanukkah is this week.  Then the Solstice and Christmas, followed by Kwanzaa.  Note the prominence of lights in all of them.  Each promotes  hope, inspiration and community.   

It's important to remember that we are not the first to celebrate despite dark and troubling times.  Our ancestors were often poor, in much less free countries, sometimes in the midst of war or plague.  Yet they turned to the meaning and experience of these times to bring light and joy to their lives.  They did it without cards, expensive gifts or travels. They looked for the meaning inside of these times, the lessons they could glean and the connections they could make. 

Maybe it's time to return to the basic lessons of each holiday, and to promote as much gratitude and goodwill for each other as we can.  Maybe this is the time to overlook that annoying cousin or the family member that is a little crazy-making.  Instead, how wonderful that they and we are alive.  How glad we will be when we are finally together! Maybe the best holiday gift of all is to connect with each other -- especially those who are alone.  Can we let go of the perfect holiday and can we embody the holiday spirit? 

No matter what your tradition or your holiday - I wish each and every one of you a very good season!